Mother's Day 2016

May 8th, 2016

This is the first mother's day without mom.  I am feeling it. I am feeling her absence but also feeling her presence. I see her beautiful face in the favorites on my phone and I keep wishing I could press it and have her pick up. I could just remove it so the painful reminder won't be there every time I go to make a call but that seems too permanent, too final. I'm just not ready yet. The other day in the car, Adelaide asked me, "Do you know what my favorite thing about you is mom?" "What?", I asked intently waiting for her response. "It's when you tell me everything is going to be alright." It hit me. Anyone can tell you it's going to be alright but when your mother tells you that, you really feel that it will be. Mom was the first one to tell me that and I heard it from her time and time again in so many different ways. I miss that and I always will. It can't be replaced. Obviously I will have to go on. There is no other choice for me. And I will be happy again, I already have been. Life will never be the same without her but I guess that's what happens when you are lucky enough to have had someone so incredibly wonderful in your life. I'll take it, pain, loneliness, emptiness because it means that she loved me so much and I loved her so much that there was no other way to feel at the loss of it all. And now it's my turn. It's my turn to tell Adelaide and Miles and Olivia that everything is going to be alright. And I hope they feel it the way I felt it when I heard it from my angel mother.